You’ve been dating someone for awhile now. You are stressed out and unhappy. Why? Because there’s nothing really wrong. At least not in your relationship.

Whether they admit it or not, most people like a little drama in their lives. It gives them a reference point for their emotions. With each bad swing of the pendlum, there is a good swing and oh how good that good is compared to the bad.

It’s when people are stuck in the middle that they start manufacturing drama. Without it, they don’t even feel alive.

The real problem, of course, is that people are unwilling to be content. They need friction. They need something to push against. People don’t like treading water.

Because of this, a person will look for reasons to blame someone else, or act aggressively.  The first handy scapegoat is often the person’s boyfriend or girlfriend. (Or any other friend depending on the circumstance.) They feel, whether they know it or not, that this will bring the real problem to the surface so that it may be vanquished once and for all. What actually happens is less useful. The non-guilty party is often injured by the unrequested, undeserved disturbance. The problem that “surfaces” is never the actual problem, because personal problems can’t be solved as relationship problems.

So why do people need friction? Quite simply, without friction, a person is free standing. They have nothing to distract them from who they are. If they do not know who they are, this becomes very evident. Instead of focusing inwardly and looking at the source of discontentment, the focus is turned outward and the problem is projected to someone else.

In the end, a vicious cycle forms. Lack of friction turns into a relationship problem, the solution of which results in lack of friction, which turns into a bigger relationship problem. Ad infinitum.

Eventually, this situation will self destruct.  Many times, the people involved have no idea why everything went so badly so quickly.

Whevener someone tells me they are mad at their girlfriend or boyfriend over something small and intangible, I turn the focus around on them. I ask them what weakness they are trying to fill. I ask them whether their discontent with their mate is really discontent with themselves.

When you’re alone, do you like who you are hanging out with? If not, work on figuring out why and in the mean time, take it easy on your friends. And remember: nearly every problem in life is a spiritual problem*.

This-isn’t-an-advice-column-just-mind-your-own-business,
Clifton

*Billy Graham