When discussing a potential dating relationship with Christian friends, I often hear the phrase “We can talk about God easily” added to a list of dating pros.

This sentence presumes that there are people with whom one cannot talk about God easily. Which is true. It is not easy to talk about spiritual things with those who are not Christians or those who claim to be Christian but bear no fruits.  However, if we assume that, as believers, we seek to explore the possiblity of a romantic relationship only with those who are growing Christians, this criteria of how “easily” you can discuss God loses meaning.  Talking about spiritual things should come naturally with those who are follower of Christ and in whom the Holy Spirit dwells.

What then, should be our criteria? If it isn’t the ease with which conversations happen, what is it?  I would suggest that what is really desired is spiritual compatibility. 

There are no two people who agree on every subject. There are no two people who relate to God in precisely the same way. There are no two people who approach the things of God the same.  And, if there were, I’m not convinced that this would be of value to you.  We tend to learn from others by where they differ from us. Proverbs 27:17 says that people build each other up as ”iron sharpens iron”.  Sharpening is only possible because of friction.  Without it, no change for good or bad will occurr. 

I will offer the caveat that my advice here is solely based in my experience and what I have learned in life. I do not have any “in context” Bible verses preaching spiritual compatiblity within a romantic relationship.  However, I think that these things can be inferred from common sense and Biblical principles.

With these things taken into account, I offer the following questions you may ask yourself about a person you are considering dating.

1. Are they growing spiritually?
   Does their life reflect a constant pursuit of God not only in knowledge about Him but in the knowledge of Him?
2. Are they teachable?
   Do they talk as though they have all of the answers and their search is in the past? Paul warns that “Knowledge puffs up” (1 Cor 8:1) and “let anyone who thinks he stands, take heed, let he fall” (1 Cor 10:12).
3. Are there fruits?
   Do they show, in some measure, the fruits of the spirit? Do they show love to those can help them and those who cannot?
4. Do they “get it”?
   There will be some believers who will always seem to miss the point of what you are saying. You will speak of something you learned in scripture and they will only follow your understanding to a point. You will express your heart and they will constantly misunderstand in some measure your point of view.
5. Are your interactions fruitful?
   When you discuss spiritual things, is there simply “information transfer” or are you constantly being compelled to seek God through your conversations? Does God speak to you through your interactions?
6. Do you have similar convictions?
   The goal here is not to have identical convictions, but compatible convictions. If you cannot watch movies because of your conscience, and they are employed as a movie critic, this may cause problems down the road.

Not only are these qualities to seek in a mate, they are also questions you should ask yourself from time to time. (Well most of them.)

Now go fall in love.
Clifton