We often impatiently look for the instant while God is patiently affecting us through the incremental.

In the past, I typically would seek wisdom from God in one way:  ”God, please show me what to do in this situation. Please make it clear so that I will know the right thing to do.”  Or I might say “God, if this is Your will, please open the doors. If it isn’t, please close them.”  Something like that.  Very familiar…very common.

What I noticed this afternoon is that I very seldom pray like this anymore.

Experience has taught me that God is rarely going to tell me what to do before I do it.  He’s rarely going to give me a sign or impression that will give me 100% confidence in a course of action.  More likely, He will equip me for these things in small ways that sometimes are easily missed and often unseen when I am not looking for them.  These small nudges come in a million different forms: people, scripture, circumstances, feelings, ad infinitum.  The result is my continued sanctification (which is God’s will and promise for us all).

I tried to think of an analogy for this and I will admit I did not come up with anything perfectly fitting.  My first instinct is that this is like a path throught the forest that only He can see.  That he keeps me in the clear places between the dense forest on each side, even though I can’t see the big picture. I can’t see where the path is going.

Another example I thought of is the way a vine grows towards the sun. It never sees a plan or gets specific instructions, but its environment results in a very distinct change in the direction of its growth.  I thin it’s a bit like this with us.

The point is this:  God is sovereign.  He knows all, sees all, and cares for all.  He is the guarantor of my life. The non-refundable deposit for my sanctification, so to speak.  If this is true, if I can trust God with the outcome, I have no need to know specifics.  I don’t need to pray for a map when the very universe I have the privilige of living in exists and progresses at the discretion of God and God alone.  He has a million ways to lead me in His will and it seems presumptuous to ask for only one.

I think I used to pray like this because it left me in control in someway.  It was a bit like telling God “I’ll do what you want to do if you send me the instructions.”

Now I pray “God, give me wisdom. Help me to see truth instead of lies. Help me to seek light instead of dark. Guide me in Your paths. May the outcome bring glory to You.”

This, at least in my case, helps me remember that I am small and He is big.  That His ways are higher than mine.  That my plans are so short sighted and laughable next to His.

As in other situations like this, I had conflicting thoughts:  On the one hand, I was thankful that Ed graciously provides coffee to this man, even though he is certainly a deterrent to business.  But on the other hand, I worried about my own convenience. I thought things like:
He probably smells.
I hope he doesn’t talk to me.
and I wonder how long he’ll be here.

It was not long before I became aware that the whole room was beginning to smell terribly.  I looked around for obvious suspects.  Could it be the fish the woman across from me was eating?  Could it be the pages of the old book I was reading?  Could it be a mixture of the twain? No, that couldn’t be it. It was the silent, coffee drinking man a couple of tables away. 

I held my ground. I continued to sit, trying my best ignore him and the smell. I paid extra attention to my book.

After about 5 minutes, the smell became unbearable. I decided to abandon my post.  I began packing up my belongings. As I did so, I noticed that the man sitting between me and the homeless man–a professor in the engineering school at Liberty–got up and went to the counter. I saw him talking with the barista.  I thought to myself he must be asking if something can be done about the stench.

I continued to get my things together as quickly as I could without looking like I was running from a fire.  As I finished and walked towards the door, the professor came back. He walked up to the homeless man who was encouraging my exit and said…

“If you would like to eat something,  go order something up front. I’ve taken care of it.”

As I walked out, I felt very convicted.  Both of us had experienced the same smell…he moreso than I by simple proximity, and we had both chosen our response.  I had chosen to run. He had chosen to show love.  Just like Jesus did and would have. 

“Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.”
- Jesus, Matthew 25:40b

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In this blog, I generally avoid the personal.  Some would say that this contradicts the very essence of blogging. However, I do not consider a blog to be an online journal so much as a way for me to communicate thoughts: things I’m learning, things that God is teaching me, things that I think may be true.

I do this for a couple of reasons:

1. I know no one cares about the mundane details of my life and how I went to the grocery store and saw a little dog with a gimpy leg limping through the cold rain with the most poetic expression on its tiny, weathered face.
2. Unnecessary exposure of my life online leads to the unncessary exposure of my friends’ lives as well.

Consequently, I try to limit myself to generalities. I approach subjects from a philosophical standpoint, not from an anecdotal standpoint.  Why am I saying all of this?  Often times, what I am going through personally leads me to write about subjects and issues raised by these events.  Those closest to me can usually infer (I suspect) the source of these ramblings.

I say all of this to say: As a general rule, I would never use this blog to indirectly communicate things to my friends or bring attention, whether admiration or pity, to myself. If I have something to say to you, I will say it.  There are exceptions, including this very disclaimer.

With all of this said, I offer the following without superfluous details or hidden messages:

The Point

Yesterday I implied that circumstances in my life have made me choose between what I want and what God wants.  This choice has caused a healthy amount of stress and pain.  In the course of recognizing and dealing with this pain, I have been reminded of several verses in Job. (Not that my suffering even scratches the surface of what Job experienced!)

Firstly, Job says “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” (Job 1:21) In other words, God is in control and everything he chooses to do is right and worthy of our praise.  If he gives us something, he is fully within his rights to take it away. We cannot accuse him. We can not claim that we have been robbed.

Job echoes this sentiment in Chapter 2 verse 9. In response to his wife’s advice (Curse God and die!) he asks “Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” I think this might be better phrased “Shall we receive things that make us happy from God and not things that make us sad?”

Beyond the obvious point that God is sovereign and all of his decisions are just and not contigent on how they make us feel, I think there is a deeper message to be learned. Pain is a teacher. We do not generally learn from that which does not provide resistance. 

How do we learn from pain?

By receiving it. I realize I may be leaving the bounds of the original context and meaning of Job 2:9, but bear with me. 

Most people will advise that pain should be avoided and waited out. 

“Take a vacation.”
“Find a distraction.”
“Have a beer.”
“Meet some new people.”
“Spoil yourself.”
“Buy a new toy.”

None of these things are inherently wrong, but I think that they (in most ways) prevent the individual from learning from the pain.  As Christians, we can be sure that God does not allow pain in our life for no reason. (See Hebrews 10)

So what am I saying? Am I saying that a person should wallow in misery? Should they sit in ashes like Job, scraping their boils with bits of pottery? Not necessarily.  What I am saying is that we should be willing to look whatever situation God places us in full in the face. We should be willing to accept the circumstances for what they are. We should seek to identify the rough parts of our life that find themselves in opposition to our circumstances. We should find the source of our pain and the lesson that accompanies it. (A sand paper analogy might work here.)

Don’t run away from grief. Understand it as best as you can and ask for God to give you a peace that allows you to exist harmoniously with full acknowledgement of your situation. Avoid solutions that simply allow you to keep your mind of it.

I read the following quote somewhere and as of yet have been unable to find the source:  “Anything that robs you of joy is an idol.”

I think this is a perfect summary of the lesson I am trying to learn. Pain often shows us that we have desires that supercede our desires for Christ. In other words, it often shows us our idols.  If you avoid it, you may inadvertently turn to other idols and ignore the idol which caused you so much pain in the first place.

And that’s all I have to say.

I’ve always enjoyed the Rober Frost poem, The Road Not Taken.  Every decision is done to the exclusion of all other possible decisions. Every decision is self-limiting. As we choose, we choose against all other possible choices.

As we approach the end of the year, I have been thinking about the things that have made all the difference in my life.

While I could look back at my accomplishments and failures and take pride in them or particular regret, there are no decisions I have made that have been crucial to the things that have happened this year.

What I have learned this year is that God is sovereign. He is in control and we can rest in that fact.

This year I started a new job. I bought a house. I bought a car. I’ve learned more about the loves of God, His Son Jesus, and what the cross really means for me.  I’ve made new friends.  It’s been a big year and maybe the best of my life.

But as I look at all of these good things, I’m reminded of the verse in Romans 9: It depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy.

Nothing good that I have received or accomplished this year can I take credit for. I did not seek my job. I did not seek to buy a house.  I didn’t seek anything with any broad reaching goal in mind.

The decision I made that led to me getting my current job was to randomly pick a student worker job off a list of ones in the IT department.  I had no plan to work for Liberty full time or anything else.  I was just ambitious enough to seek a park time, minimum wage job.  Everything that has happened since has been by God’s direct intervention.

The same can be said for my house. At the start of this year I had a great “plan” that included moving into a big house with 6 friends. In retrospect, this was a bad idea. Most of the guys that I had elected to move in with have now moved out of Lynchburg completely.  God had to start a fire in the house we chose the day after I had put down the deposit to change my plans.  Again, his direct intervention.

All of the things that have happened this year have been the result of me, bumbling almost aimlessly through my life, God pushing me to one side, opening a door, and allowing me to have just enough sense to take the opportunity in front of me.

And that has made all the difference…

The partakers of this belief system see excessive virtue in misery and tend to interpret scripture to that end.

Being a Christian does not mean being miserable all the time for the glory of God. (Amen)

It’s ideas like this that made it very hard for me to fully assent to the idea that God should be in control of my thoughts, ambitions, and destiny once upon a time. However, I’m here to tell you that following Christ is not synonomous with misery. He is not waiting to take away everything you hold dear. (“I have come to give you life and life abundantly.”) 

In order for you to understand my full argument here, it would probably help for you to know what I’m reacting to. This is not a thesis paper on suffering, joy, and following Christ.  It’s a brief response to an incorrect view of life.

“Jason and I broke up. I’m heart broken, but we have to be willing to crucify ourselves everyday and follow Jesus.”

“My car broke down, but I’m trying to take up my cross.”

“I have a hang nail but I will count it all joy when I suffer trials for His name.”

Do you see where this thinking leaves the truth and takes a rather self centered detour?  

Whenever we deal with scripture, we must also deal with the context of that scripture. For instance, when Jesus tells his disciples to “Deny yourselves, take up your cross and follow me.” he is speaking of a future event to the participants in that future event.

I am not saying that this verse has no context outside of its original context. Each of us should be willing to deny ourselves and take up our metaphorical crosses. But, for most of us, this will not play out in our lives in such a literal way as it did for the original recipients of Jesus’ message.

Similarly, when Paul calls it a blessing to suffer for Jesus, he is referring to literal persecution. He is not making a statement about following Christ day to day.

When we apply this to our car breaking down, it distorts the original intentions and the conclusions one can make from the word of God.

When Jesus told his disciples to take up their crosses…he was speaking to men (and women) who would follow Him into death as a result of their devotion. When Paul says to count it joy when you suffer for Jesus, he is speaking of literal physical and emotional persecution from the opposers of the Kingdom of God.  

Those verses do apply to our daily lives, but only as they relate to spiritual opposition we face as a result of follwing Christ. When we face trials or temptation because of our faith, we can apply those verses.  But the emphasis should not be on our misfortune; it should be giving more glory to God.

When Paul relates his suffering at the hands of sinners, he does so to give glory to God, not to highlight his trials.  Breakups can be heart wrenching. They can leave you feeling depleted and souless. Car troubles can keep us from happiness. But what should be our response to such things?

First we should remember that God is sovereign. Nothing happens by accident. We can take comfort in knowing that God has a purpose for everything that happens to us.  This could be for our own edification…to make us stronger, or it could be discipline.

For the Lord disciplines him whom he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. – Hebrews 12:6

He goes on to say that if we are not disciplined, we are not the children of God.

Paul also says “for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.”

No matter what happens to us, we should remember that God is in control, that he has a purpose, and that we should be content.

When we crucify ourselves, we crucify the sinful part of us…the corrupted flesh.  We crucify what keeps us from true joy–the joy of the Lord. Those that practice this know this.

We should be careful about saying anything that suggests anything different.

As I’ve put more and more time and money into this project, I’ve found myself putting a lot of importance into its success. And this is partly natural…I doubt any of you would want to spend hundreds of dollars on a project and have it not work like it should.

 Well two weeks ago, the media center had some serious file corruption. I had to reinstall Vista. At the time, I was very depressed about it. It seemed like everything was going wrong in the world. Now if you think that is silly, you are correct.

I fixed this problem with about 5 hours of effort, and the world was once again my oyster.

During this time, I kind of felt like there was a possibility that God was trying to tell me something…that maybe I was spending too much time with ye ol’ media center and too little time with Him. Unfortunately, with my media center fixed this was no longer my concern. I didn’t think about it again. I simply started planning its implementation and spending more money.

The pinnacle of all this spending and enthusiasm happened last Sunday. The media center was ready to go. I had mounted my 42″ flat screen HDTV on the wall the day before. And I had spent at least 4 hours installing a giant antenna 30 feet off the ground out back so that we could receive free, over the air, HD football that night.

I set it all up; it was working perfectly.

And then, through the most unlikely chain of events, I decided to demonstrate its use to my roommate. This turned out to be the divinely appointed time at which I would learn my lesson once and for all about putting too much importance on a toy.  It was this very moment that my media center not only crashed, but refused to start. Why? The motherboard (If you don’t know what that is, it’s fine. Just keep reading.) had fried itself.

I immediately slipped into depression. It ruined the whole day. It ruined my night. It ruined Monday. (Which isn’t hard, because after all…it’s Monday.)

However, God did take the opportunity to show me why this had happened. In talking with two of my friends about this issue, I heard things like “Man, God must be punshing you.” or “Maybe God is trying to tell you that you are placing too much importance on your media center.”

Adding this to my internal suspicions, the picture was very clear.

Presently, my media center is still broken. I’ve learned to accept it. I will be trying to get the motherboard replaced by the manufacturer soon, but no longer am I going to allow it to be the most important part of my happiness.

Anything can be an idol. Let that be a lesson to you.

Cordially,
Clifton

I’ve been going to Grace Free Evangelical with Stone and Shan and Mel for about a month now. It’s refreshing to be in a real church environment. Something about the way church is conducted at Grace is very different but very genuine. We like to joke that it is the “hippy” church because of it’s almost gaelic music and just different approach to church. The music has different melodies, ones that you aren’t used to and the accompanient often includes a flute, picolo, harp, violin, etc. The words to the songs are also different…they are very accurate. They quote scripture directly and use phrases that are unexpected (eg, “we are the sheep of your pasture”). The result is what it is: genuine, different, theological…and very much a “roots” Christianity, free from trendiness or distraction.

And that’s exactly what I like about Grace. It doesn’t try to impress. It’s music is very good. It’s audio/video adds very nicely to the service, but you never feel like you are being entertained. And it also isn’t a church that targets college students, most of the members are middle aged or older.

I like it. I wish more churches were as Christ centered as they seem to be.

In addition to everything else, the teaching is expository and fresh. Which brings me to the quote above. The “teaching” pastor as they call him read this before we took communion. As soon as he mentioned the title (A Long Obedience In The Same Direction) I was immediately captivated. That title has a whole sermon with its seven words. And beyond its own implications, it’s definition of repentance was equally fresh.

And so I share it with you.

I hope you enjoyed its perspective as much as I did.
Clifton

And maybe that is what I’m doing tonight, I don’t know.

I feel like there is a side to love that teenage girls don’t think about as they read Seventeen Magazine or listen to love songs, or read their romance novels. It’s a side that, many guys and girls aren’t fully aware of till long after they’re married.

And those who haven’t been in love, well, they may not be able understand it all. There are some things that only experience can truly teach you. I believe this with all of my heart.

My first experience with love over the last two years has taught me a lot about myself. Over all, I feel like I benefited from the experience.

I’ve learned how to be compassionate, how to sacrifice, how to put another person’s needs first. I’ve learned how to treat women and how words can hurt or build them up.

I’ve learned a lot.

And this knowledge has permeated other areas of my life. I’ve become a better brother and friend. I’ve been able to redirect these things into my other relationships, and over all…I wouldn’t go back and start over. There are too many things I’d have to relearn at the cost of pain.

I’m a changed person.

But the often overlooked side of love that I’m talking about is actually a basic requirement of true love, and that is vulnerability. The only way to truly love someone is to put yourself in the position where you can get hurt…and where you don’t care if you do get hurt.

And realizing this and experiencing it makes me seriously question all of the books that tell you to “”guard your heart”". While it is true that we should be very selective about who we allow in this position, the idea that someone can guard their heart and defend it till they say their marriage vows is ludicrous.

It’s impossible. By the time you love someone with a Christ-like love (which should be our goal), you’ve neccessarily taken down your defenses.

Why, because defenses by their very nature are inwardly focused. They are selfish. They are about what is best for us. Which isn’t to say we shouldn’t have them, but it is paradoxical to think you can fully love and be fully defended.

Unfortunately, love is also a one way street. I do not believe that love, by its nature, is transitory. I do not believe it can be repealed. If love vanishes because of your hurt, or even your realization that it was one-sided, I do not believe it can be said to be love.

Love is a decision you make, and if it is real, I suspect it is something that is always a part of you…no matter how far removed you may be from the situation.

I think it was C.S. Lewis who pointed out God’s vulnerable nature with us. He willingly and completely loves us. (He is love.) But by doing so, he leaves himself in the position to be hurt. Our sins and our failures and our rejection are painful to him, and neccessarily so. If he was insulated from our actions, His love would not be complete.

This may be more obvious to many than it was for me. And I’ve come to realize much of this the hard way.

But I think it bears reminding:

Love is not a feeling.
It’s a decision.
And there’s no going back. No matter how much it hurts.

It’s the way God deals with us, do you think we should set a lower standard?
And if we do set a lower standard….is it actually love?